Monday, May 3, 2010

These Subways are Big!

Yo yo yo. Watttap!

Yesterday morning I was at Union Square waiting for the 4-train to take me up to the Stadium, and I got curious. What would happen to a bat if it was hit by a subway? Most trains don't go as fast as a baseball, especially in the station. Could I stop a train with a mighty swing?

I had my equipment with me, so when the train came, I cocked the bat and crouched in my stance. The subway was like a fastball right down the middle. When it came barreling up, I took a good hard cut, and the bat went flying! It looked just like it had been shot from my hands!

Lesson learned: you can't hit a train the same way as a baseball, and that has to do with mass.

The bad part was that the bat skittered across the platform and hit an older Russian woman in the ankle. I tried to pretend it wasn't me, but there weren't many people on the platform, and I was already wearing my Yankees uniform. Plus, the train conductor had seen everything. We made eye contact before I swung. He looked scared. I probably looked focused, just like at the plate.

The Russian woman pointed at me and started yammering, so I had to make a tough decision. After I considered my options, I chose to grab the bat and run away. I knew she couldn't catch me; not only am I a world class athlete, but also her ankle had started to swell pretty bad. She shouted some more Russian things, but I was already gone. Unfortunately, I slipped on the stairs and banged my knee pretty good, and once I finished walking to the stadium (too risky to go back in the subway), the swelling was bad and Girardi wouldn't let me play.

I did get to take a nice bath in the locker room, which is awesome, but even that wasn't perfect since I took some flack from my teammates for missing three innings of the game. But "you can't please everybody all the time." That's a quote from Abe Lincoln, my favorite president. We visited his statue last year when we played Washington, but you can't sit in his lap. Even if you were allowed, there's basically no way to climb up there.

(Sorry, didn't have time to find a different picture from yesterday's post.)