Friday, April 30, 2010

Back From Japan and Confused


I don’t have to say anything. I’m furious. You probably know from my last post that Melky tricked me. I flew to Japan because he told me we were opening our season in Tokyo. I stayed there for five days waiting for the rest of the Yankees. They didn’t come. I got back yesterday morning and found out that there were games in Japan, but it was between Boston and the green team from the western conference.

You got me, Melky, but now it’s my turn, and you don’t even want to imagine what’s in store. It might involve fire, or horses, or just hitting some of your things with a bat until they break.

I flew into LaGuardia, and when I finally stepped out to try to find a cab, my phone told me I had 87 voicemails and 94 text messages since leaving for Japan. Most of them were angry messages from Joe Girardi or other Yankee people to the effect of “where are you, the season’s about to start?!”

When I got home, I looked on the internet and was relieved to find out I hadn’t missed any games, but that we had our first that afternoon (at home, thank God) against Canada. I took a nap and woke up at 2, way late for our 1pm start, and rushed to the stadium to find it empty.

I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore. Was that another prank? If yes, how did Melky get to list our game? Am I even on the Yankees anymore?

I felt pretty sad, so instead of going home I just went out on the field and sat in a puddle by third base. I made up some rhymes about girls I used to know in the Dominican Republic to pass the time, and before long the sky was getting dark and I was completely soaked. This morning I feel flu-ish.

I’ll have to make some calls. I wonder if maybe I’m kicked off the team because of the steroids stuff? Jose Canseco told the story about how I asked him where to find steroids, and now people are crazy upset. The truth is, everyone else was using them in Seattle, but I didn’t even know what steroids were. I still don’t, actually. Is it at all like Red Bull? I asked Canseco because I wanted to be part of the gang. He gave me some names, but instead of contacting anyone, I just bought a few needles and injected myself with sugar solution in front of the other guys. It ended up backfiring because a couple times I accidentally made the fat part of my butt bleed pretty bad with some needle mishaps.

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