Friday, April 30, 2010

Japan is Effin' Nuts!


Hey everyone, Happy New Year! I know it’s pretty late to say that kind of thing, but it’s my first post of 2008, so what the heck?

The new season’s about to start, and as most of you probably know, the Yankees are opening our season here in Japan. Last year ended pretty badly, and a lot of tough things were said about me, but I spent the whole winter getting in shape and making myself mentally tough by playing games like Truth or Dare and Bingo. I’m ready to rock.

But enough about baseball. Let’s talk about this crazy island. Man, growing up and living in New York, I thought I’d experienced the fastest place on Earth. But I was dead wrong! Japan is like some kind of high-speed factory where every part has to keep moving or else it will get bumped by the part behind it. Except the “parts” are scurrying little people, and they shout in the way that birds talk.

But Japan also has an awesome history. Did you know that Japan defeated the Mongols by having a strong wind attack their sailboats? That’s where we get the word “kamikaze.” Later, in different wars when there was no wind, the Japanese had to crash into boats with planes. One way or another, if your country is at war with Japan, you want to stay out of boats. My tour guide Gorou tells me all this when we go around seeing the sites. I found him at the piers on Tokyo Bay when I accidentally wandered too far my first night. Some men offered me a ride on a water taxi, but he spoke a little English and told me they were the wrong kind of people. Now I pay him 800 dollars per day to keep me safe.

Before I go, I have an embarrassing thing to admit. Can you believe that up until last week, I didn’t realize we were playing a game in Japan? I guess I hadn’t been paying attention in meetings. Luckily, Melky let me know a couple days ago, and even chartered a private jet in my name. After all that, I managed to get here first! Phew.

The rest of the team will probably show up later today. Get ready for game 1, Yankee fans! It’s A-Bomb time!

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