Pick-Up Lines to Use on Gorgeous Babes

8/30/07

Whenever I have a really good game, I spend the next day trying to land some gorgeous babes. Not only because I’m fresh in their minds from the morning paper, but also because I feel confident and manly from walloping a baseball.

Last night I hit the winning homer against the Red Sox, so today I bring my “A-game” (I came up with that one on a tour bus to Six Flags) with the ladies. Before I tell you my pick-up lines, though, I want to ask a question. Why do they call it a “game-winning home run”? It didn’t win the game! I hit it in the seventh, and we still had to play like four more innings before they’d let us go home! The media always tries to explain this to me, but I still don’t understand. If you know what’s going on, leave a comment.

Okay. I thought up my first new pick-up line in L.A. a few days ago. Here’s how it works: I walk up to a pretty girl, smiling all sly, and say, “you look as beautiful as the first day I met you.” She acts surprised, and then I go “oh, maybe because it is the first day I met you!” I wait a second for her to get the joke. Right as she stops blushing and giggling like crazy, I step in close and whisper in her ear. “The name’s A-Rod, and I think I love you.” Then I kiss her on the hair.

For the next pick-up line, I saunter up and say, “hey, want to see my A-Rod?” I start undoing my belt buckle, so the girl thinks I’m about to show her my penis. But all the sudden I reach into my pants and pull out a dollar bill. I hand it to her and say “Before you spend it, make sure to check the serial numbers. It could be counterfeit.” The girl leaves, puzzled, but later that day she checks the dollar, and written in black ink are the words “Alex Rodriguez, ballplayer.” Then it has my cell phone number, and, below that, in red ink, it says, “P.S. – this bill is not counterfeit. And neither am I.” That night, we’re necking in my car.

Crap! I just looked on ESPN, and we have an afternoon game today. That is annoying to the extreme. I wonder if Joe will let me skip.